We get it…you’ve lost weight since having your babies. You look healthy and your face doesn’t look quite so chipmunk-y. The one thing I don’t get is why you allow your stomach to be photographed like that. I mean, like I said, you look good, but not “bare your belly” good. Also, your lack of belly button is a clear sign that you’ve used something called a tummy tuck rather than “Jenny.”

Oh and you are Mariah…you couldn’t sing more than one line?? Really? I’m sure you’ll be fine. Like you “sang,” you can make it!

Best wishes,
Vinny

Thank you for giving me a much needed, deep tissue massage. As mentioned, it was much needed. Your tiny, thin fingers felt like magic on my back and neck. I almost felt like I was dreaming; that was until you decided to stab me in my spine with your boney elbow. I know you think that feels good, but putting all of your body weight on me, while digging your elbow into my muscles, does not feel good. Although I was able to bare the pain, my clenching fists should have told you I wasn’t happy. I did stay quiet as I feel really uncomfortable talking in a place where everyone was so silent. Even though you singed my back with the hot towel and got a little “handsy” with my bare-butt at times, I am still craving another massage.

See you in three months!

Thanks again and much love,

Vinny

A few years back, you sang my favorite christmas song (Baby, It’s Cold Outside) in one of the best movies ever and it was incredible! I’ve listened to it every year since on repeat…

Recently, you recorded the song again with your “I’m really cool so I’m gonna pretend to make music” band “She & Him” for your “hipster people enjoy Christmas music too” Christmas album. No thank you!
-Vinny

PS - I hope I haven’t offended anyone like I did with my last post

Happy Hanukkah! It’s the start of your Eight Nights of Celebration, and I couldn’t be happier for you. You guys deserve all eight days of happiness.

Here’s my issue:
As a Christian, I only get one day to celebrate the birth of my Jesus. Please don’t steal that from me. While I appreciate you wanting to get in on the fun of Christmas, Santa Claus is not Christmas. The gorgeous tree is not Christmas. These things are great, but Christmas is a religious holiday. I don’t think you’d appreciate us Christians lighting menorahs for the fun of it without understanding what we’re celebrating.

So please stick to going to the movies and ordering Chinese food, and leave the Tacky Christmas Sweater parties for the Christians. Unless of course you’re invited. It would be rude to turn down an invitation due to religious bias.

Much love,
Vinny

PS - Sorry for offending anyone. I just really like Christmas.

Well since this is my first post, I’ve decided to write my first letter to you…Hope you enjoy!

Dear Reader,

I’m not really sure why you’re reading this. You’re probably just curious about what you’re going to find on here. Well, since you asked, you’ll find some letters that i’ll be writing to famous people (dead or alive), objects (dead or alive)…basically, nouns or proper nouns…You’ll also find little style posts, which I shall call ‘Love Letters.’ You may also find pictures from my life posted occasionally. You might even be in a few.

I really hope you enjoy and keep reading. I’d read your blog.

Love always,

Vinny